I know I am not the easiest of people to get along with sometimes. I'm strong willed, argumentative and frankly a pain in the butt. However, I don't purposely does these things without being provoked.
I really dislike arguing. Although the previous politician in me enjoyed the debates, arguing is very different. Arguing is personal and gets plain nasty. It's healthy to have a honest discussion and sometimes it may get a little heated but arguing constantly is not good for your health.
I read a very interesting article in the Daily Mail (Don't judge!) yesterday. It was a mother sharing with her daughter nine questions you should ask to confirm if the relationship you are in is right for you.
It got me thinking about my relationships - past and present. It made me think a lot about what is important in life and how you are the only one who is in control. Sometimes you need to take charge of your own actions.
Here are the nine questions you should ask yourself to check how healthy your relationship is.
1. Are you a better person for being with him/her and does he/she bring out the best in you?
This question got me thinking about how I feel right now in my current relationship. At the moment I genuinely feel like I am a horrible person sometimes. I react so badly to some of the things a certain individual does and I hate myself for it. I know I can choose my own reactions but I honestly feel so out of control sometimes - it's a horrible feeling.
I need to learn to improve myself and control my own reactions. It feels like its going to take a lot of training for me to become better with this.
It's paramount to be with someone who makes you shine. Be with someone who you want to be an even better person for (hope that makes sense!).
2. Will you be partners and respect each other rather than continually struggling for power but be able to live with the fact you will sometimes struggle?
The two words that jump out to me in that question are Respect and Power. I feel like I'm losing respect for myself (with my reactions as above) so how can I expect someone else to respect me?
Being equal with a partner has always been a big thing for me. I just want to be with someone who I see as my equal. We don't both have to have the same strengths or earn the same amount of money but it's a matter of having equal strength and weaknesses.
There will always be power battles sometimes but it's having the courage to know you can back down at times. You don't always have to be top dog.
3. Will you support each other's dreams, even if you do not understand and/or share in all of their dreams?
You don't have to have the same dreams but it's important to have some common ground. Being able to fully understand what makes some tick and their drives in life, will help you become a stronger couple.
4. Can you be honest with each other on the big stuff even when it's hard?
This is so important! I am luck that Mr and I are incredibly honest with each other - in fact sometimes too brutally honest (for example we say if the other has bad breath etc).
I've been in relationships where I have had to act like a detective. If I don't ask the most specific question, then I didn't get the full truthful answer.
There's no point lying to each other. There are always ways of people tripping up on their lies and it's always far worse finding out you've been lied to.
The only time it's acceptable to keep things from each other is when presents are involved :-P
5. Can you forgive minor faults and mistakes and be willing to grow from them together and as an individual?
It depends what do we define as minor faults...? Does that include eating with your mouth open? Or licking the plate clean? Sometimes the 'minor faults' are so many in volume that it becomes a big problem.
We are all human beings. We will make errors from time to time so of course these should be forgiven. It's more important to learn from these errors and not repeat them. This point is more about being patience and learning to accept each others flaws.
6. Do you want to be there for the good and the ugly, and the routine and the extraordinary?
The answer should always be yes. There will always be highs and lows in a relationship, it's a matter of supporting each other. The routine shouldn't be boring. It should be simple moments of peace. You shouldn't always have to plan and entertain each other, you should simple be able to 'be' together and that be enough.
7. Can you give each other space and yet recognise how important it is to make time for each other?
I absolutely hate it when I just need some space to calm down and reflect and it's not given to me. Sadly this happens quite often lately...
It is so important to have your own space and hobbies. You need to be an individual in a relationship as well as a partnership. Giving each other this space is giving them an opportunity to grow.
8. Do you like his/her core, and what he /she wants from life and what he/she attaches importance to?
It is so crucial to love and respect the person for who and what they are. Being a 'good person' is what life is about. Someone who will not make fun or be nasty to others (unless it's in a joking way which wouldn't offend anyone) or put other people down.
There is so much hatred in this World. It's so much better to spread some love and happiness. I want to be with someone who wants to do exactly that. Let me caveat though that spreading love does not mean sleeping with other people!!!!
9. Are you physically and emotionally attracted to him/her?
Being emotionally attracted to someone, I assume is similar to loving someone's core. Seeing them as your equal and both realising the importance of life. Perhaps it's even feeling entirely safe being with them.
Physical attraction is also so key to a healthy relationship. It's understandable the spark will fizzle out as time goes on but ensure you maintain the pride in your appears not for someone else but for yourself.
I hope this post has helped you think about your relationship. If you have answered positively to most (or all) of these questions, then you are a very lucky person! And if you haven't quite got the answers you feel comfortable with then perhaps it's time to fully evaluate your relationship.
As I said in the beginning, relationships are hard work sometimes. But they shouldn't be hard work all of the time. Enjoy the love you have and make every moment special. You never know how long you have with someone.
Lots of love and kisses,
Becky
xxx