Recently I have started to listen to various real crime pod casts. I've always been interested in true crime. I guess because it feels so distant from my life so it's interesting to learn about why people commit crimes and how the 'goodies' catch the 'baddies'.
I started listening to Real Crime Profiles. These pod casts covered some very interesting cases such as the Oscar Pistorius trail for the murder of Reeva Steenkamp and the murder trail for Meredith Kercher.
In the pod cast for Meredith, I was shocked to learn what really happened in the trails. I didn't even realise someone other than Amanda Knox was arrested and convicted?!?
What I like about the Real Crime Profiles is they give the victims a voice. They tell the story of the victims and don't give the hideous killers more air time. I learnt a lot about the victims and it's even sadder when you realise how many lives are affected by the action of one person.
Real Crime Profiles also gives a lot of information regarding domestic violence and stalking. Hearing some of the tell tale signs of emotional and physical abuse is alarming, especially when it's relatable. They also promote the services of the Paladin National Stalking Advocacy Service. It has a lot of information regarding domestic abuse.
Listening to the pod casts takes you vividly into the stories. I've been walking along the street, in the dark and have been petrified at times. I have a very active imagination anyway but these have really gripped me and dare I say affected me at times.
I've just started listening to another pod cast called Sword and Scale - this one is by far the harshest of them all. I'm only on the third episode but so far they have covered a paedophile, a women serial killer and a rapist.
These are stories I absolutely won't be listening to when walking Shiloh over a dark park or listen to before I go to sleep. They are pretty disturbing and although I'm very intrigued by them, perhaps they may do some harm which I should be careful of.
One of the episodes focussed on psychopaths and their traits. Professor James Fellon is an Italian- American neuroscientist who not only discovered the science behind some very disturbing traits of psychopaths, he even discovered he himself exhibits some these traits and genetics.
Listening to this very ordinal man really struck a cord with me. Each day, how many treacherous people do we interact with, without even realising how dangerous they could be? It's incredibly frightening.
It made me read a little deeper into the traits of a psychopath and I found a very interesting article which lists 10 signs that someone who you're dating could be a psychopath . Here they are;
1. Hugely complimentary from the outset.
This doesn't sound like a bad thing. You would expect this from a new love interest but if he/she is complimenting you on EVERYTHING then this is usually referred to as "Love bombing". They get you hooked on hearing all these wonderful things but they will abruptly stop and you will be craving it all over again in the future.
2. They are just like YOU.
They mirror most things about you. If you explain you had a rough upbringing, they say they had the same. If you say you're scared of flying, they are too. By mirroring things about you, it makes them feel relatable when in fact they don't have their own identity so that's why they choice yours.
3. Pity Party.
Listen to what he says about the other people in his life. Was their parent/s abusive or not loving towards them? Were all their ex's crazy? By blaming everyone else, they may not be taking responsibility for their own actions and part in the relationship.
4. Illness/injuries.
As above psychopaths love the pity. Are you hearing lots of stories of them being ill in hospital? Or maybe they lost both parents to cancer and how they worry they'll get it? These stories may well be true but don't be surprised if gaps in their stories appear after closer inspection.
5. Great sex life.
Of course in the beginning of a relations this is expected but this is also another way of getting you hooked. By pleasing you whenever you want, they'll soon change their moods and you'll constantly be denied the pleasure until it's on their terms.
6. Cracks in the mask.
Sometimes the mask will slide and they let something alarming slip. Maybe they'll mention killing small animals for fun as a kid or perhaps they say how they cheated on all their ex's. The unconscious sometimes comes through or it could be their way of keeping you on your toes and keeps you guessing. It's all a cat and mouse game with them.
7. Silent Treatment.
Once psychopaths have you hooked after the "love bombing" and "idealization" phase, they then begin to devalue you. The first step in that is usually to give you the silent treatment over something. Psychopaths are also known to disappear for days at a time. Be sure, the silent treatment and disappearing act will be laid squarely at your feet.
8. Triangulation.
Psychopaths love to work you up into a state of obsessive frenzy, so to do that, they idealize you, give you fabulous sex, and then begin pulling away and "triangulating." This is when they introduce other people into the mix to make you jealous. It could be an ex-partner, a friend of the same sex, or even a celebrity. In the psychopaths mind, everyone else wants them, so you better be on your best behaviour, or they will move on to one of their adoring fans.
9. Discard.
The final phase of the psychopath is the "discard" phase. After they sucks you in with idealization, then begins to devalue you, they will suddenly discard you as if you never had a relationship. You are suddenly completely worthless to them. They will usually move on to another target at this point.
10. Still mine...
Although a psychopath will discard you, they doesn't quite want you moving on either. If they senses you are moving on with your life, they will suddenly do an about-face, and begin bombarding you with pleas to stay together. They will try to woo you back in by saying everything you've ever wanted to hear, making a million promises, and suddenly being on their absolute best behaviour. It's all an act so they can get you back into the fold.
If you can relate to any of these points, be very careful! These people are incredibly skilful, don't underestimate them. They are also extremely volatile so you must be careful to have a safe support network around you when dealing with them.
The only way to get rid of them, once and for all, is to go No Contact (NC). Delete their phone number, email address, block them on all social medias and delete their friends too. You don't want people reporting things back to them.
I've always said relationships can be difficult, nothing worth having in life comes easy but have some respect for yourself. If you genuinely think you are in a toxic relationship then you must act upon it.
The only person in this World you can truly rely on, is YOU! Look after yourself and then when the time is right, someone will be there to look after you.
I won't lie, I've struggled writing this post as it is very alarming some of the things I've read. I've been through a lot in life and maybe by keep learning these things I will also be strong in the future.
Stay safe and love yourself,
Love
Becky
xxx