Another Christmas over...

I've been buying presents since September, wrapping them since October and stressing about cooking for seven people since the moment I agreed to it but now it's all over. I've asked myself if I'm sad and the answer is No.

I love Christmas! I honestly do. I love the twinkle lights, the smell of all the food (and the taste!) and the fact you purposely arrange to meet up with friends you haven't seen for a while. However, there's always so much pressure around Christmas.

I am a stress head (and hot head according to Marco) at the best of times but over Christmas this was intensified by the fact I wanted everything to be 'Perfect'.

I set the dinner table on Christmas eve and any time Marco walked into the dining room, I followed him to make sure he wasn't messing up the table. I put a ban on anyone coming into the kitchen when I was cooking Christmas dinner and I can not count the amount of times I hoover up the tiny specs of dust.

I have no idea why I was stressing so much. I know I wanted everyone to have a lovely dinner - and thankfully it all turned out well. I'm sure if I had burnt the potatoes or over cooked the vegetables no one would have really cared.

Marco said he wished we had gone out to a restaurant for dinner as he could see how stressed I was and I always snap at him. I know it's the age old classic of taking it out on your nearest and dearest but it's not fair.

Christmas should be about everybody being together, being relaxed, laughing and having fun. It doesn't matter what presents you receive or even where you are so long as you're together.

Aside from being a stress head, I did really enjoy most of the day. I loved giving presents to everyone and usually I'm pretty good at buying nice presents. I made a slight error with buying my Mother 4" heel shoes which she can't even stand in, let alone walk in. But other than that, everyone seemed to like my presents.

Everyone ate most of their dinner. My portion sizes were huge! And for some strange reason I dished up an additional plate by mistake. There was plenty left over for a certain pooch.

Shiloh had the biggest Christmas dinner! I think he ate more than all of us and he promptly crashed out on his bed with a food baby growing in his belly.

Next year I will change a few things. For example, I will not buy a real Christmas tree at the end of November and not water it for weeks and expect it to survive. I will also not do a food shop order from Asda and expect to get everything I ordered.

Hopefully we can go to Italy next year. I'd love to do it as a surprise to Marco's parents. We can hire a car and drive from the airport to his father's shop and surprise him there. I think he would be so happy!!

I hope you all had a lovely Christmas and enjoyed spending time with your family and friends. At the end of the day, making special moments together is far more important that any present you can receive (although I do love my Burberry Scarf).

My beautiful scarf from Marco.



All of us at the dinner table.

A cute family shot.

I hope you all enjoy the last few days of 2016 with the people you love. Spend every special moment together. Hears to hoping 2017 is an even better year for you all.

Much love and kisses,
Becky
xxx

Drink aware and stay safe

I feel a little hypocritical writing this post because all too many times I have done all the things I'm about to say not to do.

In the past, I've been out for drinks straight from work. I haven't eaten dinner and started drinking at 5:00pm and by 9:00pm I'm completely drunk. I find it's always worse when you say to yourself "I'm only going to stay for one or two drinks". That never happens!

Working in the City means you often partake in social drinks after work. It's an opportunity to relax and unwind after a long day in the office. It's a chance to chat to your colleagues in a more informal environment. And it's a chance to gossip and have fun.

But when you keep ordering "another bottle of wine" (which I still class as the devils poison) you very quickly feel tipsy. It always seems like you drink wine after work. Not because we're all sophisticated wine connoisseur's but it's because it's usually cheaper (and easier) to order a bottle of Sauvignon than it is to take orders of spirits and mixers.

I always say to myself that I will have a big lunch to help absorb the alcohol but when you eat at mid day and your drinking 5-6 hours later, the foods gone.

One of the biggest problems with social drinking is the peer pressure to drink more. You want to keep up with everyone but you must realise everyone has different limits when it comes to alcohol. I know some people who can have one drink, and feel completely tipsy whilst other can have 4/5 drinks and still seem fine.

I've started to drink water in between drinks. Yes some people may laugh at me but I'd much rather that than be vomiting the next day.

As I said before I wasn't always so careful. I remember one night when I walked to the train station to find I had missed the last train, I then decided to buy a McDonalds and when I was walking along the street (trying to order an Uber) someone trod on the back of my shoe and broke it.

This was a complete accident however because I was drunk (and clearly not thinking!) I decided to throw my McDonalds at him (yes I started on a huge dude!) and as he was also drunk he came at me. Thankfully a lovely man was close by and decided to step in and calm the situation.

He helped me order an Uber and get me home whilst I was crying my eyes out and walking around with one shoe. Luckily another nice girl gave me a sock to wear so I wasn't walking around London completely bare foot.

Thinking back to that evening, things could have gone so differently. The man I decided to assault with my Big Mac (a complete waste of a perfectly good McDonalds) could have easily hurt me. Or the man who helped me get a taxi could have robbed my phone or even worse got in the taxi with me and followed me home.

It sends shivers down my spine thinking of what could have gone wrong. Luckily I've learnt from this and now I simply don't allow myself to get so drunk. Even if I know how I'm getting home, I still don't allow myself to lose control whilst out in London. I live too far away and so many things could go wrong.

What's prompted me to write this post is the silly young girl we saw last night near Fenchurch Street station. I was walking back from a lovely dinner with my best friend and we heard a girl should "go away and get off me". We saw a young man very close to the girl so we decided we had to go over and see if she was ok.

Clearly she was incredibly drunk as she was slurring her words and she had somehow even managed to throw her watch on the floor (I put it in her coat pocket and I hope she kept it safe). The man said he was her boyfriend but they had obviously had an argument as she was really upset.

We managed to talk to them both calmly but the girl didn't want us to help. After speaking to the man, we felt more comfortable that he was trying to help her. During us talking to the couple, two men came over and said they had been watching them for a while and they believe the man is trying to help.

This poor girl was in such a state. She slid down and sat in a pile of liquid (which we're pretty sure was her own urine) and was clearly very distressed. We had to leave her as she kept saying she was fine and she didn't want us there. But for the rest of the night, and still today, I'm thinking about her and I hope she got home safely.

We all want to let our hair down and have fun, especially as it's Christmas but the risks associated with drinking too much are really not worth it. I'm not saying don't go out and have fun but I'm just saying be sensible.

I want to share some tips on how to drink aware and stay safe. These are not new ideas and I'm sure you're aware of them but like anything it's good to refresh things sometimes.

1. As I said before eat before dinking. This will soak up the alcohol and lessen the hangover the next day. But it doesn't mean you can drink more because you ate more!!

2. Check the alcohol percentage. If you know you're out drinking for a while then perhaps drink light beers or single units. Avoid drinking doubles, wines and shots.

3. Drink a few soft drinks. If you're usually drinking spirits and it's your round then buy just a soft drink. Not only is your round cheaper, you're also controlling what you're drinking and can save face with others.

4. Have a plan of how much you're going to drink. If you know after 5 drinks that you're a drunken mess then don't go for that 6th drink. It's all too quick going from feeling fine to going out in the fresh air and you're head spinning.

5. Most importantly plan your journey home. This is critical to plan and don't leave it to chance. If you want to catch the last train then set an alarm on your phone for when you need to leave (and allow plenty of time to get to the station as chances are you may not hear your alarm right away). Or if you're getting a taxi then ensure you have enough money to pay for it.

I also let someone know when I'm going out so they can watch out for my drunken text/calls. This is usually my sister who has to put up with my drunken rambles from the taxi on the way home (and often tears).

I hope you've found this post useful. Like I said, it's nothing new and I'm not trying to be hypocritical or patronising but sometimes it's good to refresh your mind.

Hope you all have a lovely time over Christmas and stay safe.

Love and kisses,
Becky
xxx

Volunteer day at Bromley by Bow Centre

Yesterday I had the pleasure of volunteering for the day at The Bromley by Bow Centre. The BBBC is a fantastic innovative community organisation which helps support the local community in various ways.

The centre offers numerous services such as advice on seeking employment or training opportunities, art classes to develop skills as well as a source of therapy, advice on managing money and benefit entitlement. Basically the centre offers it all.

Not only is it a place to learn new skills and receive advice, it's also a safe place to simply 'be'. The clients of the centre are incredibly diverse so it's an amazing place to learn about different people and cultures.

My employer (who sadly I am not allowed to name on social media - damn compliance policy!) provide funding and volunteers for the centre and yesterday I was lucky to be part of their Community Christmas Party.

The day started off by meeting the other volunteers at the centre at 9:30am. There were nine volunteers from my company and it was great to meet people from different parts of the business. After a quick introduction it was straight over to the hall to transform it into a magical Christmas party palace.

The hall before the little elves got to work.

I volunteered myself for wrapping duty. A few of us wrapped 70 pairs of socks in record time whilst the others were up and down the ladders fitting Christmas lights and decorations which were specially made by the clients of the centre.

Two little elves hard at work.

We all worked hard and managed to turn the room around in record time. Although there were lots of people coming and going, the organisation was incredible. It felt effortless everyone working together to get everything ready in time.

We headed back over to the main centre to start greeting the clients and handing out minced pies and non-alcoholic mulled wine.

I really enjoyed meeting everyone for the first time. I was on mince pie duties with the lovely Joie Leigh (Team GB Olympic Gold Medallist for Women's Hockey) so we had the chance to greet everyone and tempt them with the delicious mini warm mince pies.

To get everyone into the Christmas sprit we had a wonderful time singing Christmas carols. We belted out all the Christmas classics such as Santa Claus is coming to town and Jingle Bells.

Christmas carol time.

After we finished the carols it was time for the light parade over to the hall. The clients of the centre had made some magnificent lanterns and we all walked together to the hall whilst enjoying a lovely tune from the guitarist.

The line of clients holding the lanterns and candles.

On arrival at the hall, it was the volunteers jobs to get everyone seated and play hostess with offering drinks. Everyone was in such a great mood and it was lovely to see everyone chatting excitedly, taking lots of pictures and plenty of laughter and smiles.

The centre had organised some brilliant entertainment which included a hoopla dancer. Naturally it was time to get everyone involved and we all had a go with the hoola hoops.

My best Shakira moves (my hips don't lie).



It was nearing lunch time so it was time to put the hoops down and pick the plates up. Some incredible people from the centre had cooked a whole Christmas dinner at home for 70 people and transported it to the centre. Here's me stressing about cooking dinner for seven people and they can cook 70!!

Even dishing out dinner for 70 people was so well organised. We all worked so well together and in no time everyone had been served including us helpers. This was my first Christmas dinner of the year so I really enjoyed it!

During dinner there was an incredible Frank Sinatra singer. I really enjoyed singing along and so did all the clients. It was lovely seeing everyone dancing along and enjoying themselves.

Throughout the day I would take little moments to simple watch the events unfold. It was beautiful to see everyone so joyous. I took the time to speak with some wonderful people including a lovely gentleman who served in the Navy during WW2. It was so nice to see his medals and to thank him for his bravery.

Another special moment for me was watching a lovely young women help feed her neighbour her dessert. They were both in wheel chairs and for me it was special to see how everyone helps each other out.

It was now time for a special guest appearance. We heard the jingle of bells and as if by magic Santa appeared! He had somehow filled his sack up with the socks his little helpers had wrapped and it was time to dish them out.

I fulfilled a dream of being Santa's helper!

Sadly it was nearing the end and we just had time for a few more dances before everyone headed off home. It was a little sad saying goodbye to everyone but it was so nice to hear the appreciation from everyone. It seemed a good time was had by all.

We had to help get the hall back to how it was before and pack everything up before leaving. Again it seemed like this was such simple work as we all worked together and it was finished in no time.

Before heading home we had a group picture taken. I can honestly say I met some amazing colleagues and I really hope to see them again. Our company is so big so we don't get to see everyone all the time so days like yesterday are a great opportunity to meet new colleagues.

If you have the opportunity to volunteer then please do. The centre has excellent information on how to volunteer on their website: http://www.bbbc.org.uk/volunteer-with-us

When it comes to volunteering or helping it doesn't have to be time consuming. There are so many things you can do to help others. As I mentioned in my other post (homelessness) you don't have to be much to make a huge difference to someone.

A hello to someone who is lonely, a hot drink to someone who is homeless or sort through your old clothes and give them to charity, it all helps.

Much love to you all,
Becky.
xxx

It's time to talk about mental health

Today I attended a seminar at work on 'Understanding mental health'. A very inspirational man called Jonny Benjamin shared his experiences surrounding the relationship he has had with mental health.

Last year I emailed the whole of my office raising awareness of mental health so it's incredible to see the company taking the issue seriously and trying to make a change.

Jonny explained the numerous issues he has had with his mental health, this included being diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder and his journey on how to manage this.

He mentioned how there is such a stigma surrounding any mental health issues that people often don't seek help. I understand some people see asking for help as a sign of weakness or perhaps admitting a failure but actually it is far from it.

If you are able to acknowledge there is an issue and you're able to speak to someone to ask for assistance then this truly is one of the bravest things you can do. Being trapped in your own mind must be incredibly frightening so reaching out for assistance will help you on your journey to recover.

Jonny explained he has received some incredible support along the way from various charities and the NHS but sadly there have also been issues. It's so important to understand that things do not get better over night, patience is the best thing you can have when dealing with any medical problem.

I understand there is still such a taboo surrounding mental health and I just can't understand why? If you have a broken leg you would seek help. If you have angina, you would take tablets prescribed to you. Mental health should be no different.

You should not be embarrassed about going to counselling or taking tablets to stabilise your hormones/chemicals. If everyone was just a little bit more understanding and tolerant of peoples differences then the World really would be a better place.

Sadly we all make judgements against people and we shouldn't. The "skinny" girl at the gym who you see work out for hours every day may be battling an eating disorder or the man you see outside McDonalds talking to himself may be schizophrenic

I know from first hand experience that mental health problems are not always that obvious. It's so important to notice changes in people you're close to and reassure them that you are there for them.

Some of you may know that my husband completed suicide five years ago. I did not know that he was battling with mental health issues but for someone to take their own life, he must not have been in the right frame of mind.

I did not see the signs. The signs I should have seen were the lack of pride in personal appearance. I saw Dean not shaving or dressing nicely as a sign of laziness but I should have seen it as him withdrawing and giving up a little.

I should have realised with Dean's moods swinging from high, happy, singing and his famous 'silent laugh' to screaming, aggression and sometimes pure hatred as a warning sign for perhaps chemical imbalances within the brain. Instead I saw them as him being stroppy.

I missed the signs. And even now five years on I still hate myself for not realising he needed help.

Listening to Jonny today stirred up so many emotions. I wish I was able to have helped Dean but sadly I couldn't. I wish so much that Dean had spoken to me, or anyone who cared about him, about how he felt. But sadly he didn't. He kept everything bottled up.

I can't change what happened in the past but I can shape the future. I want everyone to understand it is ok to feel a little shit sometimes but to know that if things are feeling worse then to ask for some help.

There is nothing shameful in asking for help. I understand it is difficult to admit you need help but if you do take that very brave step and ask for help, you will be on the journey to making your life better.

I won't lie to you, it will be hard! You will probably encounter many obstacles in the way but by asking for help that first time you know you've got this. You can deal with anything you put your mind to.

After Dean passed away I wrote an article for an incredible charity called CALM. I wanted to share my experience of what is it like living after someone you love completes suicide. I struggled a lot writing the article as it still felt so raw. However when I read the comments afterwards and realised I helped someone stop taking their own life, it was worth my pain to help others.

Click here for the link to the article. Tom wrote the simple comment "Thank you, you saved a life tonight x". He posted that at 11:48pm and later posted "I mean it, thank you x" at 12:11am. Reading those comments made me cry happy tears. It felt like the pain I had been through was worth it, even to save one life.

There are some incredible charities and organisations out there who offer support to those feeling a little bit shit (I like that phrase, it's not playing the issue down but making it a little more manageable perhaps) and to offer advice for those wanting to support loved ones.

Here are a few links:

https://www.time-to-change.org.uk/

 https://www.thecalmzone.net/

 https://www.mqmentalhealth.org/

 
http://www.mentalhealthmatters.com/

I want to leave you with a quote I found. Hopefully this is some food for thought.

Look out for people. I truly believe if you do good for others, they do good for you. It's not always about receiving back what you give but it's about making the World just a little bit better for everyone.

Much love to you all,

Becky

xxx

My 5 top tips for surviving Christmas

For me Christmas is "the most wonderful time of the year". I did steal that from the song however Christmas has always been very special to me.

Christmas can be a very special time however there is also a lot of pressure associated with Christmas. I thought I would share some tips on how to survive Christmas without loosing your cool (too much).

1. Don't be excessive.

This tip applies to a lot of things. We all know food and drink is a huge part of the holidays but that doesn't mean you have to overindulge from the first time you see mince pies in the supermarket (which would be 1st November in most places).

If you know you'll be going out for a few Christmas drinks, try to control yourself. We've all got a little carried away, drunk far too much wine, sobbed to the boss over our turkey lunch then called your parents crying hysterically on the train and allowed your mother to put you to bed because you're incapable of untying your own shoe laces (or was that just me...?) so it's important to remain in control and don't get too drunk.

It's not just about limiting your alcohol consumption but also try not to over do it on the sweets and treats. You'll end up a few kilos heavier and no doubt with a tummy ache at times.

2. Don't expect everyone to think the same about Christmas as you do.

Lot's of people will be excited about Christmas. They will embrace the pink Christmas tree you insist on putting up at work and they will love the Christmas jumpers for the department lunch however not everyone celebrates Christmas.

Embracing differences is great. It's good to understand others thoughts and opinions but don't get disappointed if they are not aligned to yours.

3. Be prepared.

I had originally planned to have Christmas dinner at a restaurant this year however now I'll be cooking for seven people (the most I've ever cooked for is four!). I'm even having to plan two separate meals as the 'Italians' don't like Turkey (who doesn't like Turkey?!).

I've already started planning the meals and thinking of how I can prepare things ahead of the big day. On Christmas eve I will be peeling the vegetables and leaving them in water. I'll also make sure all the trays I need are foiled up and ready to go.

My also biggest tip is to ensure when you get the turkey out to defrost it, you remove it from the plastic wrapper. You forget to do this just once and everyone reminds you of it FOREVER!!

4. Have some 'me' time.

It's so easy to get carried away with getting to see all your friends and family before Christmas that you forget to have a little time for yourself.

I've just signed up to some hot yoga classes at 121 Urban Hot Yoga in Hornchurch throughout December. I find exercising such a good stress relief and it's the perfect way to balance off those mince pies.

You don't have to go crazy with exercise, you could simply enjoy a nice hot bubble bath whilst listening to Michael Buble's Christmas album or maybe go for a little stroll in the park (but wrap up warm).

5. Be thankful for what you have.

This for me is the biggest and most important tip, just be thankful for what you've got. It doesn't matter what presents you receive, or how much food and drink you have. It's more important to enjoy spending time with the people you care about.

I love my family so much so I'm really happy to be spending Christmas day with my parents and this year my sister. Also what's incredibly exciting for me this year is to share my first Christmas with my gorgeous fiancé.

You truly can not put a price on the happiness you get from spending time with loved ones. Sadly they will not always be around so it's very important to make memories to cherish now.

I hope some of these tips are useful to you. It's nothing new what I've said but sometimes it's good to have a little reminder.

Much love and kisses,
Becky,
xxx