Buyer Beware - Any single girl or guy must read!

Caveat emptor: [Latin, Let the buyer beware.] A warning that notifies a buyer that the goods he or she is buying are "as is," or subject to all defects.

I decided I would try the whole online dating (OLD) thing again so off I popped to download old faithful Plenty of fish (POF).

I'm a busy girl so I wasn't really using it that much. I received a fair few messages (at one point over 200 un-opened messages were in my inbox) so when I did decide to browse, one message caught my eye.

His profile showed a dark handsome man with the cutest dimples and smile. He's profile said he was a Lawyer and lived in London. His pictures showed his passion for travel and even him with his cute dog - I was hooked.

After a few messages on the app, we quickly switched to what's app to chat. More pictures were exchanged (nothing inappropriate) by both of us. He was incredibly complimentary of my pictures, which I thought was sweet. One of the pictures he sent me was 'him' and a stunning girl, who after I questioned, turned out to be his sister - or so he said.

What's app messages quickly moves onto FaceTime calls. Here was this guy who - well didn't look exactly like his photos, but he was still tanned with a cute smile.

By now we'd been chatting every single day for well over a week. I'd wake up to a "Good morning princess" message. He's call me when he was on his way to work. You see he was driving his Aston Martin to work. He said it was easier to drive, as being a busy Criminal Defense Barrister, he may have to drive between the office and court. He even sent me a picture of his lovely car with a note with my name on - cute.

We would then spend hours in the evening chatting on FaceTime. The evenings were his downtime from such a hectic hot shot job in Westminster.

Having an interest for law, I'd ask him what it was like being a Barrister. I had a genuine interest in his job. Sometimes he seemed quite open, albeit a bit vague. Until one evening I asked about him being registered with the Bar. For this simple question, I got the phone hung up on me.

I racked my brain thinking "shit what did I say wrong?". He questioned my motives. I couldn't quite understand what my motives possibly could have been. He was very good at twisting what I had said to make me in the wrong. He said I must "want" something.

I put two and two together and came up with five. I assumed he meant I must be a gold digger. Oh honey, I haven't worked my arse off to own my own property since the age of 19. I owe my own car (outright), I travel whenever I want and I buy myself lovely designer handbags - when I want. I need no men financially.

Don't get me wrong, when this "gentlemen" offered to whisk me to Venice for the weekend - of course my head was turned. It was also turned at the promise of free airplane tickets to Saint Lucia. And our first date dining at The Shard.

You can see where this is going, too good to be true....?! Yep.

After the rather defensive response to my questions about his job, I decided to check The Barristers Register. Now I knew his first name and had a slight guess at him surname (thanks to searching his number on Facebook) and you guessed it - zero results.

Ok so his name might have been spelt differently. That's when I thought I'd google his phone number. Now I know this makes me sound a tad crazy but unfortunately in this day and age, people lie online so you do have to do your homework - and I'm glad I did!

There are websites such as findwhocallsyou.com where you can leave reviews for phone numbers. I've searched this before and it's usually come up with telemarketers or recruitment consultants. So when 32 (33 including me now!) reports come up for this number, I had to read them.

Here are some of the comments:

10 Aug 2017 - I had the unfortunate experience of *name*. Doesn't work as a Barrister. Does not live in Marylebone. Is very poor, not attractive has moobs and is short. Will blame you for his short comings and will divert the subject and blame you for him lying. What a loser.

15 Jan 2017 - Mental!dangerous !all the pictures on his fake profiles belong to a famous model called Farzan Atharj.

19 May 2017 - This guy is a total Pyschopath. Called me a liar and threatened to ruin me because I was talking to other guys (after having talked to him twice!!). I want to report him to the police-anyone have a real name? He goes by the name of *name*. Can you only report a phone no?

You get the picture right. Now it seems like I've been pretty lucky because I never actually met him. We were supposed to meet tomorrow but I'm still ill so we rearranged.

I think I've been one of the lucky ones. Whilst I've wasted nearly two weeks speaking to the psychopath, I thankfully never gave him any personal details such as where I live.

I did however sadly share my stories about my past. I'm partly annoyed with myself for being so trusting and open. My personal experiences are exactly that, mine. In future I won't be sharing something so personal with anyone until I truly know and trust them.

Luckily I'm laughing about this nut job. I mean who actually has the time to think of being someone completely different?! Someone very sad with no friends or a life!

One of the comments mentioned this mans pictures are from an Iranian model called Farzan Atharj. I google the images and of course all the pictures he sent me are this mans, even the one supposedly with his sister.

I thought the picture looked a little too cosy to be a sister lol

Anyway, let this be a warning to anyone else if something seems too good to be true, it probably is.

Also google that number! This isn't the first time I've uncovered a liar. The previous one had a wife! Again thank god I do my homework ahead of meeting someone.

Anyways as the app is named, there's plenty more fish in the sea.... but perhaps for now it's time to hand my fishing rod up.

Real Crime Pod Casts - Traits of a Psychopath

Recently I have started to listen to various real crime pod casts. I've always been interested in true crime. I guess because it feels so distant from my life so it's interesting to learn about why people commit crimes and how the 'goodies' catch the 'baddies'.


I started listening to Real Crime Profiles. These pod casts covered some very interesting cases such as the Oscar Pistorius trail for the murder of Reeva Steenkamp and the murder trail for Meredith Kercher.


In the pod cast for Meredith, I was shocked to learn what really happened in the trails. I didn't even realise someone other than Amanda Knox was arrested and convicted?!?


What I like about the Real Crime Profiles is they give the victims a voice. They tell the story of the victims and don't give the hideous killers more air time. I learnt a lot about the victims and it's even sadder when you realise how many lives are affected by the action of one person.


Real Crime Profiles also gives a lot of information regarding domestic violence and stalking. Hearing some of the tell tale signs of emotional and physical abuse is alarming, especially when it's relatable. They also promote the services of the Paladin National Stalking Advocacy Service. It has a lot of information regarding domestic abuse.


Listening to the pod casts takes you vividly into the stories. I've been walking along the street, in the dark and have been petrified at times. I have a very active imagination anyway but these have really gripped me and dare I say affected me at times.


I've just started listening to another pod cast called Sword and Scale - this one is by far the harshest of them all. I'm only on the third episode but so far they have covered  a paedophile, a women serial killer and a rapist.


These are stories I absolutely won't be listening to when walking Shiloh over a dark park or listen to before I go to sleep. They are pretty disturbing and although I'm very intrigued by them, perhaps they may do some harm which I should be careful of.


One of the episodes focussed on psychopaths and their traits. Professor James Fellon is an Italian- American neuroscientist who not only discovered the science behind some very disturbing traits of psychopaths, he even discovered he himself exhibits some these traits and genetics.


Listening to this very ordinal man really struck a cord with me. Each day, how many treacherous people do we interact with, without even realising how dangerous they could be? It's incredibly frightening.


It made me read a little deeper into the traits of a psychopath and I found a very interesting article which lists 10 signs that someone who you're dating could be a psychopath . Here they are;


1. Hugely complimentary from the outset.


This doesn't sound like a bad thing. You would expect this from a new love interest but if he/she is complimenting you on EVERYTHING then this is usually referred to as "Love bombing". They get you hooked on hearing all these wonderful things but they will abruptly stop and you will be craving it all over again in the future.


2. They are just like YOU.


They mirror most things about you. If you explain you had a rough upbringing, they say they had the same. If you say you're scared of flying, they are too. By mirroring things about you, it makes them feel relatable when in fact they don't have their own identity so that's why they choice yours.


3. Pity Party.


Listen to what he says about the other people in his life. Was their parent/s abusive or not loving towards them? Were all their ex's crazy? By blaming everyone else, they may not be taking responsibility for their own actions and part in the relationship.


4. Illness/injuries.


As above psychopaths love the pity. Are you hearing lots of stories of them being ill in hospital? Or maybe they lost both parents to cancer and how they worry they'll get it? These stories may well be true but don't be surprised if gaps in their stories appear after closer inspection.


5. Great sex life.


Of course in the beginning of a relations this is expected but this is also another way of getting you hooked. By pleasing you whenever you want, they'll soon change their moods and you'll constantly be denied the pleasure until it's on their terms.


6. Cracks in the mask.


Sometimes the mask will slide and they let something alarming slip. Maybe they'll mention killing small animals for fun as a kid or perhaps they say how they cheated on all their ex's. The unconscious sometimes comes through or it could be their way of keeping you on your toes and keeps you guessing. It's all a cat and mouse game with them.


7. Silent Treatment.


Once psychopaths have you hooked after the "love bombing" and "idealization" phase, they then begin to devalue you. The first step in that is usually to give you the silent treatment over something. Psychopaths are also known to disappear for days at a time. Be sure, the silent treatment and disappearing act will be laid squarely at your feet.


8. Triangulation.


Psychopaths love to work you up into a state of obsessive frenzy, so to do that, they idealize you, give you fabulous sex, and then begin pulling away and "triangulating." This is when they introduce other people into the mix to make you jealous. It could be an ex-partner, a friend of the same sex, or even a celebrity. In the psychopaths mind, everyone else wants them, so you better be on your best behaviour, or they will move on to one of their adoring fans.


9. Discard.


The final phase of the psychopath is the "discard" phase. After they sucks you in with idealization, then begins to devalue you, they will suddenly discard you as if you never had a relationship. You are suddenly completely worthless to them. They will usually move on to another target at this point.


10. Still mine...


Although a psychopath will discard you, they doesn't quite want you moving on either. If they senses you are moving on with your life, they will suddenly do an about-face, and begin bombarding you with pleas to stay together. They will try to woo you back in by saying everything you've ever wanted to hear, making a million promises, and suddenly being on their absolute best behaviour. It's all an act so they can get you back into the fold.


If you can relate to any of these points, be very careful! These people are incredibly skilful, don't underestimate them. They are also extremely volatile so you must be careful to have a safe support network around you when dealing with them.


The only way to get rid of them, once and for all, is to go No Contact (NC). Delete their phone number, email address, block them on all social medias and delete their friends too. You don't want people reporting things back to them.


I've always said relationships can be difficult, nothing worth having in life comes easy but have some respect for yourself. If you genuinely think you are in a toxic relationship then you must act upon it.


The only person in this World you can truly rely on, is YOU! Look after yourself and then when the time is right, someone will be there to look after you.


I won't lie, I've struggled writing this post as it is very alarming some of the things I've read. I've been through a lot in life and maybe by keep learning these things I will also be strong in the future.


Stay safe and love yourself,
Love
Becky
xxx