I'm not saying all relationships are bad. I've got some lovely friends who I rate as my "couples goals". Not because they wear matching t-shirts and take those annoying pictures of holding hands then the girl looking back at the camera, no they have true "couples glory" because they work well together as a team.
One thing I've learnt from the whole dating experience is, you need to be fully happy with yourself and your life before you should ever get into a relationship. If you're not true to yourself and honestly happy and content with your life, then how can you put that pressure on someone else to create happiness for you?
I am very blessed with my life. I have a great family (ok annoying at times but still great), lovely friends (a good mix bunch), I have a brilliant job, gorgeous big house, I get to travel, I have my health - I truly do have everything I need for a happy life. I think the issue doesn't lie with what I need but with what I want.
I am at a stage in my life where I am ready to settle down and take the next steps (i.e. serious committed relationship and babies). It has taken me a long time to get to a stage where I honestly am ready to start a family.
You see these foolish teenagers having children (one springs automatically to mind) who doesn't have a stable job, isn't earning enough money and probably isn't in the most secure relationships (if any relationship) and yet they bring a life into this World.
I'm not saying you need to be earning loads of money to have children, love doesn't cost a penny however you do need to be fully grounded yourself to be able to offer the love, stability and guidance children need.
Since Dean passed away in 2011, I've had relationships (those guys that have lasted six months +) with three men. The first was with S whom moved into my house within two months, used me for money/car then proceeded to cheat on me - at least twice.
Next up was N, lovely guy who was going through a divorce at the time of us dating. He seemed like the perfect gent, told me he loved me after three weeks (which I foolishly believed) and then six months later decided he wasn't over his wife and needed space to grieve the relationship.
Finally (save the best till last!) was M, the affectionate and passionate Italian. The younger guy who had only had one relationship before me. The guy who adored me from the first date (and that first date was awful). It was one of those magical hindsight moments where I wish I had trusted my gut instinct and run for the hills.
No instead I invited him into my home (AGAIN!), and as soon as he was there boom - he wasn't going anywhere. The fool proposed to me after four months together, I (being an even bigger fool) accepted but as soon as that ring was on my finger, he's true colours came through. The manipulative, possessive, narcissistic, gambling/drug addict was there.
As you can see I have questionable abilities to choose men to date. That's why I like to mix it up a little and try and date different types of guys to see whether they'll be better suited. The latest guy was wonderful, a true gent however sadly that didn't work out for reasons beyond my control. However it now lands me firmly back in the single pool.
I am a very matter of fact person. The last guy broke up with recently and I'm obviously upset but I accept it's over and time to move on (again!). So I download the usual apps Tinder/Bumble/POF and I swear to god, each time you go back to these sites - they get worse.
I met S on POF and that seemed fine (except for the cheating obviously). N I met at work (which was so much better) and M I met on Tinder (Why did I download that again?). I've had loads of messages and so far I've been asked to be in a cuckold relationship (I had to google again what that meant - no thanks!), I've been invited around to a guys house right away where I just say him on Instagram kissing another girl (who was just in her underwear) and of course I've had the standard requests for nude pictures (come on dudes just google that sh*t!). Actually let me clarify, if you google that sh*t you won't find naked pictures of me but plenty of other girls which I'm sure is fine for their needs.
So as you can see, guys are kn*bs. Again, I'm sure it's not every guy but apparently it's the ones I seem to attract. Of course, there's lots of guys out there that are lovely, gentleman who would treat me very well no doubt but we all have our attractions and sadly it's usually those guys who I'm not physically attracted to.
When you're dating, it feels like you take on the role as a Detective. Some people call it stalking, I prefer the term research. You honestly can't be too careful these days so if I see a guy I like to look of on one of the apps, I screenshot his picture and put it into an app called Veracity. It basically searched the internet to see if that image is displayed elsewhere. It's a way of discovering catfish - and believe me they are real! It's ironic to say that lol
Next up is if the conversation is going well and they want to switch to chatting on what's app, I ask for their number first and right away I google search the number. That sounds crazy but again it's a way of seeing if the person is up to anything dodgy. I also search in Facebook for the persons number. Again if they've linked their number, it's a way of seeing if their profile is hiding a wife/girlfriend.
I appreciate I probably sound crazy right now but you I honestly don't care. I have caught out these catfish, I've caught out guys who's girlfriend has literally just given birth and I've caught out the married men.
This sadly is the modern age dating we live in. It's hell! You have to really be one tough cookie to survive. Thankfully I've dealt with a lot on life so being dumped or cheated on isn't the worse thing. What a horrible World we must live in for me to even write that and that appear normal?
I think of being single and I think of all the positive things. I have my freedom, I travel whenever and wherever I want, I sleep starfish in the bed, I can wear a crappy sports bra and mis-matching underwear, I can go a few days without shaving my legs. Ok, some of those are good valid reasons and others a little silly.
Then I think about relationships and try and weigh up the good with the bad. No relationship is ever perfect, it doesn't exist. And you know what, it would be bloody boring. However, wouldn't it be nice to find that one person who you want to annoy forever?
Ok, it's not just about annoying forever, for me I want to find my equal. I want to find the man who has also had good and bad life experiences. Someone with a positive attitude who respects that life doesn't always go to plan but accepts life for what it is. I want to find someone who accepts me for who I am and doesn't want to change me at all. I want a friend for life.
This all sounds wonderful so where do we find this guy? I know people do meet their life partners on these dating apps but how nice would it be to simply bump into someone on the train or in the supermarket? In actual real life.
People say when you stop looking for something, it simply finds it's way to you. I do believe that. Pressure isn't good for anyone but equally it's so important to put the right message out there to the universe.
I hugely believe in the laws of attraction. I believe if I want something so badly, I can manifest it into my life. But people need to remember this works both ways. If someone keeps thinking of themselves as overweight, then they'll never create themselves to be a healthy weight. Positive thoughts attract positive things.
The title of this blog is asking whether to have a simple life, do I need to be single? The answer is no. If I want a simple life, I need to see my life as already being simple. Simple is very much under rated. There's too much stress and negativity in the World already. Let's flip that on it's head and create the simple life we all desire.
