Real Crime Pod Casts - Traits of a Psychopath

Recently I have started to listen to various real crime pod casts. I've always been interested in true crime. I guess because it feels so distant from my life so it's interesting to learn about why people commit crimes and how the 'goodies' catch the 'baddies'.


I started listening to Real Crime Profiles. These pod casts covered some very interesting cases such as the Oscar Pistorius trail for the murder of Reeva Steenkamp and the murder trail for Meredith Kercher.


In the pod cast for Meredith, I was shocked to learn what really happened in the trails. I didn't even realise someone other than Amanda Knox was arrested and convicted?!?


What I like about the Real Crime Profiles is they give the victims a voice. They tell the story of the victims and don't give the hideous killers more air time. I learnt a lot about the victims and it's even sadder when you realise how many lives are affected by the action of one person.


Real Crime Profiles also gives a lot of information regarding domestic violence and stalking. Hearing some of the tell tale signs of emotional and physical abuse is alarming, especially when it's relatable. They also promote the services of the Paladin National Stalking Advocacy Service. It has a lot of information regarding domestic abuse.


Listening to the pod casts takes you vividly into the stories. I've been walking along the street, in the dark and have been petrified at times. I have a very active imagination anyway but these have really gripped me and dare I say affected me at times.


I've just started listening to another pod cast called Sword and Scale - this one is by far the harshest of them all. I'm only on the third episode but so far they have covered  a paedophile, a women serial killer and a rapist.


These are stories I absolutely won't be listening to when walking Shiloh over a dark park or listen to before I go to sleep. They are pretty disturbing and although I'm very intrigued by them, perhaps they may do some harm which I should be careful of.


One of the episodes focussed on psychopaths and their traits. Professor James Fellon is an Italian- American neuroscientist who not only discovered the science behind some very disturbing traits of psychopaths, he even discovered he himself exhibits some these traits and genetics.


Listening to this very ordinal man really struck a cord with me. Each day, how many treacherous people do we interact with, without even realising how dangerous they could be? It's incredibly frightening.


It made me read a little deeper into the traits of a psychopath and I found a very interesting article which lists 10 signs that someone who you're dating could be a psychopath . Here they are;


1. Hugely complimentary from the outset.


This doesn't sound like a bad thing. You would expect this from a new love interest but if he/she is complimenting you on EVERYTHING then this is usually referred to as "Love bombing". They get you hooked on hearing all these wonderful things but they will abruptly stop and you will be craving it all over again in the future.


2. They are just like YOU.


They mirror most things about you. If you explain you had a rough upbringing, they say they had the same. If you say you're scared of flying, they are too. By mirroring things about you, it makes them feel relatable when in fact they don't have their own identity so that's why they choice yours.


3. Pity Party.


Listen to what he says about the other people in his life. Was their parent/s abusive or not loving towards them? Were all their ex's crazy? By blaming everyone else, they may not be taking responsibility for their own actions and part in the relationship.


4. Illness/injuries.


As above psychopaths love the pity. Are you hearing lots of stories of them being ill in hospital? Or maybe they lost both parents to cancer and how they worry they'll get it? These stories may well be true but don't be surprised if gaps in their stories appear after closer inspection.


5. Great sex life.


Of course in the beginning of a relations this is expected but this is also another way of getting you hooked. By pleasing you whenever you want, they'll soon change their moods and you'll constantly be denied the pleasure until it's on their terms.


6. Cracks in the mask.


Sometimes the mask will slide and they let something alarming slip. Maybe they'll mention killing small animals for fun as a kid or perhaps they say how they cheated on all their ex's. The unconscious sometimes comes through or it could be their way of keeping you on your toes and keeps you guessing. It's all a cat and mouse game with them.


7. Silent Treatment.


Once psychopaths have you hooked after the "love bombing" and "idealization" phase, they then begin to devalue you. The first step in that is usually to give you the silent treatment over something. Psychopaths are also known to disappear for days at a time. Be sure, the silent treatment and disappearing act will be laid squarely at your feet.


8. Triangulation.


Psychopaths love to work you up into a state of obsessive frenzy, so to do that, they idealize you, give you fabulous sex, and then begin pulling away and "triangulating." This is when they introduce other people into the mix to make you jealous. It could be an ex-partner, a friend of the same sex, or even a celebrity. In the psychopaths mind, everyone else wants them, so you better be on your best behaviour, or they will move on to one of their adoring fans.


9. Discard.


The final phase of the psychopath is the "discard" phase. After they sucks you in with idealization, then begins to devalue you, they will suddenly discard you as if you never had a relationship. You are suddenly completely worthless to them. They will usually move on to another target at this point.


10. Still mine...


Although a psychopath will discard you, they doesn't quite want you moving on either. If they senses you are moving on with your life, they will suddenly do an about-face, and begin bombarding you with pleas to stay together. They will try to woo you back in by saying everything you've ever wanted to hear, making a million promises, and suddenly being on their absolute best behaviour. It's all an act so they can get you back into the fold.


If you can relate to any of these points, be very careful! These people are incredibly skilful, don't underestimate them. They are also extremely volatile so you must be careful to have a safe support network around you when dealing with them.


The only way to get rid of them, once and for all, is to go No Contact (NC). Delete their phone number, email address, block them on all social medias and delete their friends too. You don't want people reporting things back to them.


I've always said relationships can be difficult, nothing worth having in life comes easy but have some respect for yourself. If you genuinely think you are in a toxic relationship then you must act upon it.


The only person in this World you can truly rely on, is YOU! Look after yourself and then when the time is right, someone will be there to look after you.


I won't lie, I've struggled writing this post as it is very alarming some of the things I've read. I've been through a lot in life and maybe by keep learning these things I will also be strong in the future.


Stay safe and love yourself,
Love
Becky
xxx

The nine questions you should ask of your relationship

Relationships truly are hard work. I've always been of the mind-set that if something is worth having, then it's worth working hard for however I don't think it should be too much of a struggle.

I know I am not the easiest of people to get along with sometimes. I'm strong willed, argumentative and frankly a pain in the butt. However, I don't purposely does these things without being provoked.

I really dislike arguing. Although the previous politician in me enjoyed the debates, arguing is very different. Arguing is personal and gets plain nasty. It's healthy to have a honest discussion and sometimes it may get a little heated but arguing constantly is not good for your health.

I read a very interesting article in the Daily Mail (Don't judge!) yesterday. It was a mother sharing with her daughter nine questions you should ask to confirm if the relationship you are in is right for you.

It got me thinking about my relationships - past and present. It made me think a lot about what is important in life and how you are the only one who is in control. Sometimes you need to take charge of your own actions.

Here are the nine questions you should ask yourself to check how healthy your relationship is.

1. Are you a better person for being with him/her and does he/she bring out the best in you?

This question got me thinking about how I feel right now in my current relationship. At the moment I genuinely feel like I am a horrible person sometimes. I react so badly to some of the things a certain individual does and I hate myself for it. I know I can choose my own reactions but I honestly feel so out of control sometimes - it's a horrible feeling.

I need to learn to improve myself and control my own reactions. It feels like its going to take a lot of training for me to become better with this.

It's paramount to be with someone who makes you shine. Be with someone who you want to be an even better person for (hope that makes sense!).

2. Will you be partners and respect each other rather than continually struggling for power but be able to live with the fact you will sometimes struggle?

The two words that jump out to me in that question are Respect and Power. I feel like I'm losing respect for myself (with my reactions as above) so how can I expect someone else to respect me?

Being equal with a partner has always been a big thing for me. I just want to be with someone who I see as my equal. We don't both have to have the same strengths or earn the same amount of money but it's a matter of having equal strength and weaknesses.

There will always be power battles sometimes but it's having the courage to know you can back down at times. You don't always have to be top dog.

3. Will you support each other's dreams, even if you do not understand and/or share in all of their dreams?

You don't have to have the same dreams but it's important to have some common ground. Being able to fully understand what makes some tick and their drives in life, will help you become a stronger couple.

4. Can you be honest with each other on the big stuff even when it's hard?

This is so important! I am luck that Mr and I are incredibly honest with each other - in fact sometimes too brutally honest (for example we say if the other has bad breath etc).

I've been in relationships where I have had to act like a detective. If I don't ask the most specific question, then I didn't get the full truthful answer.

There's no point lying to each other. There are always ways of people tripping up on their lies and it's always far worse finding out you've been lied to.

The only time it's acceptable to keep things from each other is when presents are involved :-P

5. Can you forgive minor faults and mistakes and be willing to grow from them together and as an individual?

It depends what do we define as minor faults...? Does that include eating with your mouth open? Or licking the plate clean? Sometimes the 'minor faults' are so many in volume that it becomes a big problem.

We are all human beings. We will make errors from time to time so of course these should be forgiven. It's more important to learn from these errors and not repeat them. This point is more about being patience and learning to accept each others flaws.

6. Do you want to be there for the good and the ugly, and the routine and the extraordinary?

The answer should always be yes. There will always be highs and lows in a relationship, it's a matter of supporting each other. The routine shouldn't be boring. It should be simple moments of peace. You shouldn't always have to plan and entertain each other, you should simple be able to 'be' together and that be enough.

7. Can you give each other space and yet recognise how important it is to make time for each other?

I absolutely hate it when I just need some space to calm down and reflect and it's not given to me. Sadly this happens quite often lately...

It is so important to have your own space and hobbies. You need to be an individual in a relationship as well as a partnership. Giving each other this space is giving them an opportunity to grow.

8. Do you like his/her core, and what he /she wants from life and what he/she attaches importance to?

It is so crucial to love and respect the person for who and what they are. Being a 'good person' is what life is about. Someone who will not make fun or be nasty to others (unless it's in a joking way which wouldn't offend anyone) or put other people down.

There is so much hatred in this World. It's so much better to spread some love and happiness. I want to be with someone who wants to do exactly that. Let me caveat though that spreading love does not mean sleeping with other people!!!!

9. Are you physically and emotionally attracted to him/her?

Being emotionally attracted to someone, I assume is similar to loving someone's core. Seeing them as your equal and both realising the importance of life. Perhaps it's even feeling entirely safe being with them.

Physical attraction is also so key to a healthy relationship. It's understandable the spark will fizzle out as time goes on but ensure you maintain the pride in your appears not for someone else but for yourself.

I hope this post has helped you think about your relationship. If you have answered positively to most (or all) of these questions, then you are a very lucky person! And if you haven't quite got the answers you feel comfortable with then perhaps it's time to fully evaluate your relationship.

As I said in the beginning, relationships are hard work sometimes. But they shouldn't be hard work all of the time. Enjoy the love you have and make every moment special. You never know how long you have with someone.

Lots of love and kisses,
Becky
xxx

Slimmer and trimmer in 2017

It's the new year and we all want to make changes. I've decided I desperately need to ditch the weight I've put on during 2016. 

At the beginning of 2016, I had an operation on my foot (bunion removed ouch!) so I was unable to train for nearly two months. 

During this period, I started dating Marco and found my attention was on the relationship more than getting my butt to the gym. 

Although I've still been active with my cycling, yoga and pole dance I still managed to put on weight. 

I've generally weight around 9 stone to 9 and half stone. There was a point, after Dean passed away, that I dropped to 8 and half stone. That wasn't healthy for me, especially not the way I lost the weight. 

I've decided I'd like to get back to my 'usual' weight. I hopped on the scales last week and was horrified that my weight has gone up to 10 stone 9 pounds - WTF?!?

It was a huge shock. I knew I'd put a little weight on (I can't blame my washing machine for shrinking all my jeans) but I didn't realise just how much. 

So I've worked out I need to lose 23 pounds to get back to how I was before. It sounds like a huge amount of weight to lose but I figured if I can lose 1-2 pounds per week then I should be my ideal weight before I head off to sunny Philippines. 

I've been eating a lot more pasta since dating Marco (bloody Italians) and the half glass of red wine each night has empty calories (although they are well received) so I'm sure these have been factors for my weight gain. 

I thought I would start the year off with a little tea detox. I bought the Brazilian Slimming Tea for 14 days. There are four different teas to drink during the day. A morning blend, afternoon, evening and night time. 

I'm only on day 2 (diets don't start on a Sunday - always a Monday) and the tea tastes pretty good. I have sometimes had a sweetener with the tea but you don't need it. 

I like herbal teas so I think the taste of these are all really good. They do taste slightly different. 

So far I've not had any nasty side affects. I've done tea detox before and have started being BFF with the toilet. But none of that - so far. 

Obviously teas will not work on there own so I've also started to eat a low carb, high protein diet. Actually I hate the work diet, simply food. I've been eating yummy food!

Here's a typical day:

Breakfast: Breakfast tea blend. High protein yoghurt and one teaspoon of oat bran. 

Mid morning snack: 3 sticks of celery and cottage cheese. 

Lunch: Chicken and vegetables. 

Mid afternoon snack: Afternoon tea blend. Sweet and salty popcorn (89 calories). 

Dinner: Evening tea blend. Steak and rocket. 

Night time tea blend. Protein shake. 

I feel like this is a pretty well rounded diet. There's plenty of vegetables, good protein in the chicken and steak and still a little treat with the popcorn. 

Diets don't work. If you say to yourself that you can never have a chocolate bar ever again then all you will crave is that chocolate bar. 

I've said to myself during the two week tea detox, I will be very strict. I will document everything I eat using MyFitnessPal. I also use my FitBit to track how many calories I burn. 

In order to lose 1-2 pounds per week, I need a daily calorie deficit of 500-1000 calories. At first I thought this would be impossible but actually it's not that bad. 

If you know you're tracking everything you eat and drink, you'll be surprised how you step away from that extra treat. 

I'll keep you all posted with my journey. If you're also looking to lose weight or generally be active and healthy then good luck. Maybe get in touch and we can keep each other focussed.

Let's see how we get on.


Here's a picture of me at the beginning of my journey.

Much love and positive vibes,

Becky

xxx